Recent videos released by bloggers on the internet have provided conclusive evidence: Malaysian people have sex. Sometimes even with each other.

The cybersphere has been rife with sex videos (or rumoured sex videos) as Malaysia approaches its 13th General Elections. As recently as yesterday, a sex video that allegedly featured a top opposition politician was posted online.

The nation reacted with shock and horror. Despite the fact that Malaysia is known for its quality rubber and is one of the biggest condom manufacturers in the world, citizens have been denial about sexual activity since around 1988.

“I had no idea Malaysians actually had sex,” said one university graduate. “I thought that sex only happens between birds, bees and orang puteh.”

Meanwhile, a male shopkeeper said he decided to shut up his business for the day to mark the occasion. When asked if it was good or bad news, he said he wasn’t sure.

“I always suspected people had sex, but now I know for a fact,” he said. “Now if you excuse me, I need to go home to see to – I mean, to see my wife.”

A school teacher said that she had always been told by her parents that Malaysians didn’t have sex. “I can’t believe this,” said the 33 year old. “All this time, I thought we were all just – you know – going solo.”

Pharmacies around Malaysia reported a shortage of condoms after people started emergency stockpiling, following the news. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said a distraught pharmacy manager. “It’s like an apocalypse.”

Share prices of rubber had risen by the close of yesterday’s trading.

Photo: Creative Commons