Giant monster attacks are expected to be on the rise soon with the recent ban on Ultraman The Ultra Power, the Ministry for Defence Against Monsters and Aliens (MDMA) revealed today.
A spokesperson from the Ministry, Datuk Takut bin Panik, said that the hundred-foot-tall red and gold suited hero had taken offense at Malaysia’s ban on the comic.
Takut added that reports had shown about 17 giant monsters heading towards Kuala Lumpur, including King Kong, Godzilla, Cthulhu, the Kraken, Mothra and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
“As 2014 is Visit Malaysia year, we expect many giant monsters to be paying a visit,” said Takut.
“The public is encouraged to stay indoors as much as possible. They should also avoid national landmarks. As we’ve seen from monster movies, those always get destroyed first.”
He recommended citizens build bomb shelters and stock up on ammunition.
“You might have noticed it seems to be a little hazy nowadays. This is clearly the work of Hedorah, the Smog Monster,” Takut said. Takut added that local heroes such as Keluang Man and Cicak Man were currently being recruited to handle these threats.
He also revealed the government was planning to build a giant robot to combat these foes, under a top secret project called Projek Ancaman Serius dari Fenomena Khaotik Rakyat 1Malaysia (PASeFeK R1M).
“The public has absolutely nothing to fear,” Takut said, as screams and gunfire rang out from outside his office.
The Home Ministry said in a statement Friday that the Malay edition of Ultraman The Ultra Power had been banned as it contained elements that could undermine public security and societal morals.
When contacted for comment, Ultraman was distraught, weeping into a red-and-silver handkerchief.
“I worked hard on that book!” Ultraman wailed. “I had to sacrifice my spare time in between fighting monsters just to get the character development right!”
Ultraman said he had no plans to go back to fighting monsters, and was now going to concentrate on his career as a children’s book author while dabbling in the poetry of haiku.
Other superheroes have invited Ultraman to join their Superhero Support Group for superheroes who have been misunderstood. The group’s spokesman, Batman, told the press: “We are 100% behind Ultraman. He is the hero that KL deserves. But not the one that it needs right now.”